The GoCoGa Toxins

The GoCoGa Toxins

Gowanus Canal, Cobble Hill/Carroll Gardens, BROOKLYN

Since the team’s genesis nine years ago, the legend of the GoCoGa Toxins has spread far and wide across the borough of Brooklyn, from the fair-trade coffee shops of Greenpoint to the Irish dive bars of Bay Ridge. Some say a tumble into the Gowanus Canal one day gave the team superhuman powers; others claim the team made a bargain with Satan himself beneath the Smith / 9th St. overpass, exchanging their souls and home-brewing equipment for unheard-of hockey prowess. 

In truth, this team of local artisans, restaurateurs and stay-at-home dads need credit no supernatural powers or demonic blessings for their many victorious seasons on the ice. They practice hard, develop strategies as a team—and make a point of forgoing deodorant and never washing their hockey gear. 

These last two practices began as good-luck charms, but after seeing a mugger refuse to chase them across the Gowanus Canal due to its stench, team founders Gerry MacGuyre and Joe L. Goodsonne quickly realized offensive odor could be used as a strategic advantage. After nine years of practice and competitive play, the team’s odor has built up to the point that it is no longer consciously recognizable to the human olfactory detectors; however, much as certain ultra-low-frequency sounds unconsciously create feelings of anxiety, the Toxins’ scent is believed to cause a feeling of revulsion in others—causing their opponents to subconsciously hold back. Researchers at Columbia University are currently conducting research on the odor, in order to better understand its effects.

The group is the only New York sports team with an Ample Hills ice cream flavor named after them, but due to its composition—pistachio ice cream with chunks of anchovy and a Marmite swirl—“Terrible Toxin” has never actually been consumed.